STEP 9

VOJEM gifts

Then:

On the eve of the wedding, neighbours, people from the vaddo and close family brought gifts ‘vojem’ to the family which consisted mainly of various kinds of food required for the roce and wedding dinner like rice, vegetables like pumpkins, gourds, fruits like jackfruits and plantains and plaintain leaves, the latter were used as plates. Those who could not afford food contributed money.

*Wealthy and influential people brought their gifts accompanied by a brass band and group of dancers brandishing swords or wooden staves and this group was called talim. The bearers of the gifts came in a long line and in a solemn manner. The gifts were received with some solemnity by the master of ceremonies ‘yejmani’ and his wife ‘yejman’. No widow or widower can act as Yejmani and Yejman and this honor is then given to the closest married elder relative. The family accepting these gifts had to return them in a larger measure when a wedding was celebrated in the donor’s house.

* In the early 20th century most of the konkani roman catholics were temporary cultivating tenants ‘Chalgeni’ and the lanlords used to bestow various privileges on the cultivators. It was necessary to provide presents on important festivals and occasions of birth, marriage, etc., e.g. on a wedding the minimum present from the landlord in addition to various fruit, vegetables, coconuts was; 4 muras of paddy and another 4 muras worth of cash to pay the dowry, 16 yards of cloth, 4 1/2 kudatis (1 kudati = 12 tolas) of coconut oil, 1000 betel leaves, 100 areca nuts and some cash, etc. It was after the land reform act was passed and introduced that surplus land was re-distributed among poor cultivators and needy landless agricultural labourers that most of the ‘cultivating tenants’ became land owners.

So when a reference to *Wealthy and influential people bringing vojem is made and the symbolic vojem processions we see at present day functions, I would think these wealthy people were the landlords bringing their presents with great pomp and show accompanied by the band. Hence you see the head of the vojem procession a wealthy man (based on his attire) accompanied by his workers/labourers carrying the vojem.

This video which Mr. John Rodrigues of Johncy Digitals was kind enough to allow me to present, depicts the traditional vojem procession complete with brass band and the traditional music played on this occasion.

Now:

The vojem culture, albeit on a limited scale, still continues in our family and I am sure, in many mangalorean families. Although not in procession, but close family members gift fruit like bunch of bananas, vegetables, coconut oil, coconuts, rice (by relatives from native place), cash, alchohol, etc. but the gifts are made privately. The vojem is usually given couple of days before the wedding or on the morning of the roce day when the close family members gather to prepare for the evening roce function.

Today’s Roce functions also have the symbolic vojem dance/procession where close family members dressed in traditional attire participate, to enhance the entertainment quotient of the roce celebration. Professional vojem dance and voviyo singing and performing teams are also available, if required.

Dinner for the Deceased

Then:

A special dinner was served at noon of the last day before the wedding in remembrance of the deceased of the family. Prayers were recited for them and dinner served.

Now:

The dinner is omitted, but an individual requiem mass is offered for all deceased members of the family and for the souls in purgatory.

Special thanks to Mr. John Rodrigues for sharing the vojem procession video.

Previous Post: Kazara Matov Next Post: Denem, etc.

References: Severine Silva and Stephen Fuchs & Victor D’sa, S.V.D.: The Marriage Customs of the Christians in South Canara, India, R.G.Kakade in ‘Depressed classes of South Kanara’ a socio-ecenomic survey, Francis Buchanan Land Reforms of Karnataka

STEP 8

Wedding Pandal ‘kazara matov’

Then:

In the wedding week or couple of days before the wedding, preparations were made to erect the wedding pandal ‘matov’ both at the bride’s and the bridegroom’s house and it was essential that all weddings took place in the ‘matov’. A special invitation called ‘matvachi voulik’ was given to the neighbours expert in erecting matovs, inviting them to put up the matovs.  Usually two are erected, one for the main wedding function in the front courtyard and the second one at the side for cooking etc. called the rashyo.

The posts of the matovs had to be of an odd number and were made of stems of aerca-nut trees (madi) and the roof of leaves of coconut tree.  The front arches were of plantain trees with the bunches of plantains hanging down.  The plantain trees tied to the front posts of the matov seems to be a hindu custom carried over by the catholics as the tree is considered auspicious and a sign of fertility and prosperity.

The rashyo had the newly formed hearths for cooking the roce and wedding feasts. A few days before the wedding the women of the house and neighbourhood gathered to prepare the various spices which were first fried and then ground to a powder for the cooking.  This powder was called karpo.

The traditional kitchen equipment used in the rasshyo were the Ghatno/Vaan, the tondor,  adalo, kail, kailatho, kanthne, koitho, koithi, bornis, etc.

Traditional Kitchen Equipments

Traditional mangalorean kitchen equipment Maan Curpon

Grinding stones various types

Traditional cooking pot

Traditional kitchen items

Supra tipri Ser for cleaning and measuring rice

Ghatno or grinding stone for masalas

Pounding stone for rice or curry powders

Stone coffee grinder

Cast Iron Kail and kailatho

Cast Iron dosa pan and appe pan

Brass Chondor or Steamer used for sannas etc.

Clay Bornis for storing pickles etc.

Coconut shell ladle doyo

Coconut scraper and chopper for meat fish vegetables

Coconut scraper Katne

Koithi or Sickle

Beetle Areca nut cracker

Now:

The Matov culture continues to exist even in modern cities provided the houses or apartments have sufficient place in the compound or the apartments’ terraces especially for the roce and porthapon ceremonies, if conducted at the homes of the bridal couple. Food however is rarely cooked at home and instead catered.  The modern matovs are built with bamboo and cloth/fabric.

Weddings though, take place in banquet halls, which in most cases must be reserved almost a year in advance.  Roce and Porthapon also in most cases take place in banquet halls.

Previous Post: Wedding invitation Voulik                       Next Post:  Vojem, etc.

References: Severine Silva and Stephen Fuchs & Victor D’sa, S.V.D.: The Marriage Customs of the Christians in South Canara, India

STEP 7

Wedding Invitation “Voulik”

Then:

Upon finalising the dates of the wedding ceremonies, utmost care was taken and special attention was given to inviting close relatives in person, going from house to house and this form of invitation is called ‘voulik’.  It used to be a verbal invitation. The bridegroom and a near relative of the bride alongwith two elderly men of either party would go to issue the ‘voulik’ by giving details of the ceremonies like time of ros, resper nuptials, jevan wedding banquet, etc.  ‘First’ invitation was made to the parish priest, then the gurkar (head of the Christian community). Then invitations were exchanged between the bride and the groom’s family.  First the bridegroom’s father and some relatives went to the bride’s place for inviting the family to the wedding.  Then the father of the bride with some relatives went to the bridegroom’s place for extending the invitation.

Certain rules had to be observed when going for the voulik. Upon reaching the relatives house, they had to stand outside the main door, greet the owner, enquire about their health and then reveal the purpose of their visit. He would say “Havn voulik sangonk ailam” – I have come to invite you for the wedding. At once the master of the house would welcome them saying ‘dev borem korum, udak ailem’ – God bless you, please, accept this water.  The invitation had to be announced in a particular manner lest it be taken as an insult.  If any invitees were not present at their home at the time of the visit ‘pan-pod’ was left at the entrance of the house to indicate the visit.  This system of invitation may be still be in practise in rural remote villages.

Now:

Personal invitations ‘voulik’ are still made alongwith the ‘printed invitation’, but the  bride and the groom’s family go separately for the ‘voulik’, each inviting their own relatives.  Some rules though are customary to be followed.

The first invitation is a symbolic invitation to “The Holy Family” Jesus, Mary & Joseph to seek blessings on the bridal couple and the marriage ceremonies. So an invitation card is placed at the altar at home.  This may have been done in olden days also but have not found any mention of this.

The next invite goes to the bride’s family by the bridegroom’s family and vice-versa. Then the elders of the family are to be invited in person, followed by other relatives and friends according to time and convenience.  Invitations are also sent using postal, courier, electronic services and social media, followed-up by a telephone call if necessary.

Printed invitation cards, Save the date, RSVPs, announcements on social media, etc. have become the norm.  A wedding invite should be kept as simple as possible but as it  provides a glimpse and sets the tone of the events leading to the wedding, the style and contents require some thoughtful planning as it is an important medium in announcing the ‘good news’ to family and friends.

Tips to be followed so that no information is omitted, is to ensure ‘who, what, when, where’ details are provided on the card i.e. who is getting married, date and venue is important to be on the invite.  Any other information should be on separate cards or can be directed to the wedding website if there is one or by word of mouth.  It is also important to add the names of who is hosting the wedding as the wording on the invite would differ if the parents are hosting, bridal couple is hosting or both parents and couple are hosting.

A typical timeline for wedding invitations would be :-

1. Save the Date invites go out 6 to 8 months before the wedding
2. Order the wedding invites 6 to 8 months prior to the wedding
3. Invites are sent 6 to 8 weeks before the wedding
4. Invites to a destination wedding, 3 to 4 months before the wedding
5. RSVP requests 2 to 3 weeks before the wedding
6. Wedding website details should be included on the ‘Save the Date’.
7. Wedding registry details may be included on the website and not on the wedding invite.  Gift-giving is a ‘blessing’ to the newly married couple to begin the new part of their lives and while it is tempting to include the gift registry with the wedding invitation, etiquette dictates otherwise.

A word on RSVPs.  Guests do tend to take the RSVP request lightly. Out of courtsey to your hosts, do make it a point to reply to RSVPs in time.  As soon as you know you will be attending or not attending, let the the hosts know by email or a call.  A huge amount of effort and costs go into the planning of a wedding and it’s a shame for the hosts to have to pay for guests who don’t make an appearance!

Previous Post : Wedding garments & jewellery                      Next Post : Kazara Matov

References: Severine Silva and Stephen Fuchs & Victor D’sa, S.V.D.: The Marriage Customs of the Christians in South Canara, India

STEP 5

Then:  Pre-Marriage Lunch/Dinner invitations

Upon conclusion of the formal engagement and a wedding date fixed, the soon to be bride and groom would be invited for lunch or dinner by their respective friends, relatives and neighbours, not together but separately.

The girl was dressed up nicely for the occasion and put red flowers in her hair and was sometimes invited by her hosts to stay overnight and a bath was prepared for her. These invitations expressed the loving sentiments and respect the hosts had for the girl and her family.   Close family relatives could not easily excuse themselves from these invitations, which were expected to be returned when a wedding was to take place in the family of the hosts.

I do recall my elder sister who got married 39 years ago, being invited for a meal hosted by our Aunt and I had accompanied her as I was her brides-maid. Some of our other relatives and neighbours too may have also invited us but can’t recall.

Now:

Not sure if the above mentioned beautiful and sentimental custom is being followed due to present day busy lifestyle.

The custom now though is the Bachelor/Bachelorette also called ‘Hen’ parties or ‘Bridal Shower’ hosted by the bridesmaid and groomsmen or close friends which signifies a farewell to his bachelor days and her spinster days.  These parties are based on Western traditions and are to some extent ‘wild’ parties giving the guests an opportunity to let their hair down, so to say, especially the bride and groom to celebrate for the last time their spinsterhood/bachelorhood.

However, in order to throw some light on these western inspired customs, the origin of the Bachelor party was in actual fact a black-tie event hosted by the groom’s father to raise a toast in honor of the groom and his bride.

Bachelor party is also known as Stag Party, Stag Night, Stag Weekend and takes place shortly before he enters marriage.

Equivalent to the Bachelor is the Bacholerette party for the bride which is also called Hen’s Night (Europe), Stagette (Canada).

To keep celebrations ‘sober’ and trim costs, it is becoming increasingly common to have “Stag & Doe”, Jack & Jill, or Stag & Hen parties, i.e. a joint Bachelor/Bachelorette party.

Bridal Shower (celebrated mainly in U.S. & Canada) is as the name suggests, a gift-giving party for the bride to shower her with gifts.  It is said that bridal shower originated out of earlier dowry practices in Europe (and I thought dowry system existed only in India) when a woman’s family could not provide a dowry or if the father did not approve of the marriage, the friends of the woman got together to bring gifts and provide financial assistance so she could marry.  Bridal Showers are held 2 to 6 weeks before the wedding and traditional gifts are for bedroom or kitchen to help the bride start her new home, but nowadays the usual gifts are personal items for the bride, like sexy lingerie or sleep wear.

Bridal Showers usually take place in the afternoon (lunch) or evening (if only snacks are served) and all invitees are expected to bring a small gift for the bride and hosting is done by a close friend or one or more bridesmaid/s or the maid of honour.  Guests would typically be the bride’s close female friends and family members. In general, those who are invited to the bridal shower would also be invited to the wedding.  Opening of the gifts is done with some pomp, either before the meal or after and not during the meal.

There is nothing wrong in having both a Bridal Shower (2 to 6 weeks ahead of the wedding) and a Bachelorette (couple of days before the wedding). Much planning goes into these parties today so that the bride and the guests have a great time playing games, dancing etc. and there are numerable ideas and themes available on the world wide web.

Previous Post: Reading of Banns                   Next Post: Wedding Garments & Jewellery

References: Severine Silva and Stephen Fuchs & Victor D’sa, S.V.D.: The Marriage Customs of the Christians in South Canara, India, Wikipedia

STEP 4

Introduction:

The word “Banns” is simply a “proclamation” traditionally announced and published in the home parishes of both the girl and the boy on three Sundays or Holy Days of Obligation before the marriage.  This law was decreed in 1215  and is commonly associated with the Catholic Church and the Church of England. The purpose of announcing the ‘Banns’ was to enable anyone to raise a canonical or civil legal impediment to the marriage so as to prevent invalid marriages.  Impediments vary but would normally include a pre-existing marriage that has been neither dissolved nor annulled, vow of celibacy, lack of consent or the couple being related within the prohibition degree of kinship. This act was meant to prohibit clandestine marriages and elopements by the underage. Reading of marriage banns was an important rite without which a marriage was considered null and void, unless a marriage licence was obtained instead.

Marriage Licences began to be issued by a Church or a State Authority in the 14th century, to permit a marriage which would otherwise be illegal. There were always people who were in a hurry to marry for various reasons and didn’t wish to wait for the usual period for the three banns to be read; in such cases and with special approval and payment of a higher fee a marriage licence was issued giving the couple the necessary permission to be married.

In early days most of the people shared personal bonds with their neighbours, their communities and members of their parish and knew anyone and everyone in their neighbourhood but in later years with people becoming increasingly mobile, changing their domicile and emigrating to newer lands for jobs or other purposes, it became increasingly difficult to “know” all the people living around you or to be acquainted with all the people belonging to the same parish. Therefore, in 1983 the requirement of reading the banns was abolished by the Church as it’s usefulness in determining whether there were impediments to a marriage became limited for reasons stated. But many parishes still continue to publish marriage banns and it is still one of the requirements for marriage.

Then:

Before the Mudi  both parents of the bridegroom and bride would have approached the priest and informed him of their mutual intention to marry and would then fix the marriage date with the priest who records the names and details of the bride and groom and instructs the young couple in the duties of married life and tests their knowledge of the Christian faith and the prayers. The fee given to the priest was a banana bunch, a cock and some money.  Reading of the banns is an important rite following the engagement. The banns are read on three consecutive Sundays before the wedding date and the two persons concerned are present when the banns are read out. It is a matter of pride for the couple and their families.  If the wedding is to take place in an emergency an exception was made and the banns were read on one Sunday only.  Of course this required special permission from the priest or bishop and also higher fees!!

The formula for reading the banns :-

Devache Kurpen kazar zata puth avnkar Gregory, Balthuzar Saldanhanaso and dhu Juliana, Juze Almeida d’ Sachi Hi zavnasa (poli, dusri, thisri) chit. Konichi adkol asa pirge-jecha vodilank tilsunk.

Meaning:

By the grace of God, the bachelor son, Gregory, of Mr. Balthuzar Saldanha, is going to marry the daughter, Juliana, of Mr. Joseph Almeida. This is the (first, second, third) reading of the banns. In case anyone has any objection to this marriage he had the obligation of informing the ecclesiastical authorities.

 Now:

Once the couple informs the priest of their mutual INTENT to marry, they must register and attend the marriage preparation course and prepare the required documents which are sent to the respective parishes.  Gone are the days when a church wedding could be performed within a week of the girl and boy meeting and accepting each other. These quick weddings used to be quite common prior to the 80’s and mostly between a foreign returned boy and local girl in India.

Banns now are read/published on one Sunday only.  In Kuwait the banns are just put up on the church notice board for a week or two without any formal announcement during mass.

Today, the procedure from registering of INTENT to marry until the marriage dossier is complete, is a protracted and lengthy one between both the parishes of the couple. If the marriage is to take place in a church other than the parish then that Church too is to be involved in the required procedures. A minimum of three months to a maximum of one year is required depending on the rules of the respective Churches  involved, to complete all formalities and necessary paperwork like Registration, NOC, Marriage preparation course certificate, Proclamation of banns certificate, etc.

Once the banns are published and the results of the banns obtained, the Banns Certificate is issued to proceed.

In that it is worthwhile accessing the respective church website and checking out the marriage FAQs and procedures before approaching the church. The basic documents required to register are:-

1. Baptism certificate (not older than six months)
2. Your Passport copy or photo ID
3. 2 Witnesses
4. Boy must be not less than 21 years and girl not less than 18 years of age.

It is interesting to note how the wording on the Banns have evolved over time:

1. 16th & 17th Century, only the names of the couple and the parish were mentioned.

John PERRY & Sarah BETTERIDGE, marriage -2

2. 18th Century, fathers names were included (but not the mother as all women were considered fathers’ property even if they were married).

Example of the wording was as follows:-

• By the grace of God, the bachelor son, Gregory, of Mr. Balthuzar Saldanha, is going to marry the daughter, Juliana, of Mr. Joseph Almeida. This is the (first, second, third) reading of the banns. In case anyone has any objection to this marriage he had the obligation of informing the ecclesiastical authorities.

3. In today’s time, names of both parents are stated.

Reading of Banns is therefore an important rite and does not apply to mangalorean catholics alone but to all communities that follow the catholic or christian faith.

Previous Post : Engagement Mudi                      Next Post: Bachelor/Bachelorette Party

References: Severine Silva and Stephen Fuchs & Victor D’sa, S.V.D.: The Marriage Customs of the Christians in South Canara, India. Introduction source, Wikipedia.

STEP 3

Engagement Mudi

While, “finalising of the “Sairik” is the formal acceptance of the promise made by the bride’s father to the groom’s father that he will give his daughter in marriage; the Engagement or the Ring ceremony i.e. “Mudi” is a mutual promise of later marriage and is a solemn and religious ritual. The Engagment may take place months, weeks or days ahead of the marriage. In some cases the engagement period may also last for a year or more.

Engagement “Mudi”

Then:

The bridegroom would go to the girl’s house with his parents and close relatives on the engagement day. The priest would bless the engagement ring in the church or in the bride’s house and the bridegroom would put the ring “mudi” on the bride’s left ring finger symbolizing his claim on her.

He then presents some gifts like rosary, handkerchiefs, prayer book, perfume, cosmetics, etc. to the bride.

The bride then shows the gifts to all the guests. After the engagement the groom takes the bride to his house to acquaint her with his relatives and to show her his property. When such an engagement breaks, the mudi has to be returned to the bridegroom but the presents are not returned.

Now:

Engagements are optional but more formal if it must take place. Invitations are sent mostly through social media. The ceremony takes place either at the house of the bride or at a party venue officiated by a priest who blesses the mudi (rings) followed by cake cutting, raising of the toast.

Gifts given to the bride are jewellery and saree which the bride changes into during the function and sometimes the boy also changes his attire.  March-past, dancing, dinner, etc. in short a mini-wedding! Guests would be only close family and friends and all expenses are borne by the brides’ family.

My son Raoul’s engagement was at a hotel venue hosted by my daughter-in-law Charmaine’s parents and officiated by Rev. Fr. Jerome Pinto, Charmaine’s maternal grandfather’s brother.

The gorgeous engagement cake was made by my sister Zenia “Julianz.in”.

Nowadays engagement function is optional and replaced with a formal “proposal” especially in love-marriages where the boy throws a surprise for the girl (with just the two of them) and “proposes” with a ring (usually diamond!) at an exotic location, etc.

My son Rohan opted for the western style of proposing and took my daughter-in-law Valencia to Dubai to the Burj Al Arab’s “Atmosphere” restaurant on the 123rd floor to pop the question!

CIVIL Marriage or registered marriage is now compulsory effective 12 April 2012. This registered marriage is an important proof of marriage and also gives it a legal status. Civil marriage can be registered at a Marriage Court any time before or after the formal wedding.

Previous post: Finalising the Sairik                                 Next post: Reading of Banns

References: Severine Silva and Stephen Fuchs & Victor D’sa, S.V.D.: The Marriage Customs of the Christians in South Canara, India

STEP 2

Then:

After the match was agreed, photos exchanged and approved, a day was fixed to visit the girls house to see the girl. The father, the boy, a maternal uncle and one or two close friends or relatives and the malo or gurkar*1 proceeded to the girl’s house to see the girl.

When they arrived they were welcomed with Pan-pod (betel leaf, betel/areca nut arranged on a plate) and udak (water).  This custom of offering ‘pan-pod’ and ‘udak’ is still symbolically practiced for all important ceremonies by many and is considered a mark of respect to the visitors and guests to whom it is offered.  This is clearly a survival of the Hindu wedding-ceremonies adapted by the Christians.** 2.

The girl was then called under some pretext.  She was asked to fetch water from the well or to place some object in the courtyard or to serve coffee to the guests.  The bridegroom and his father thus had an opportunity to observe her. The girl of course knew the reason she was called and would feel very shy.

If the grooms’ party approved of the girl the amount of dowry (dot), property and position and the family background was discussed in the girls house.  Amount of dowry differed according to the status of the family and it was considered a status symbol to pay an enormous amount of dowry.  Dowry was given by the bride’s father around two weeks before the wedding with great solemnity in the presence of many witnesses in the house of the bridegroom. To celebrate this occasion pan-pod was distributed i.e. a plate with pan-pod was passed from the bridegroom’s side to the bride’s party and vice-versa. This exchange was called badalchen (changing hands). A packet of pan-pod was also sent to the Parish Priest and to the other relatives as a seal to the final sairik.  With the dot, the bridegroom bought the jewellery especially the mangalsutra which was called ‘moni’ (silver beads in those days), gifts and clothes especially the “sado” red wedding saree for the bride.  When fixing the wedding date, certain days of the week and leap year were considered inauspicious.

Now:

Gifts of sweets

Gifts of fruit

In modern times an alliance became an even more intricate matter. Enquiries were made on sickness, physical and mental defects, etc. in the family and even remote relationships were minutely discussed.  These enquires were often so detailed that it gave rise to the proverb “Bara kathi jartalyo”  (to fix an alliance the soles of the feet are worn off twelve times).

In arranged marriages, it is appropriate to finalise the alliance. A day is fixed for the parents and few elders of the grooms family to go to the bride’s house to formally accept the bride into their family and to finalise the alliance “sairik’.

My elder son had an arranged marriage and the groom, the eldest aunts and uncles of the groom (from both sides of our family i.e my side and my husband”s side), me and my husband (eight of us) went to the bride’s house. It is customary to take some gifts of sweets, fruit and flowers to the girl’s house.  Additional gifts are given by the boy and his parents as a formal welcome to the girl, could be a watch, jewellery, saree, etc. These gifts depend on personal choice.

Flowers are put in the girl’s hair by the boy’s family once everything is finalized and sweets (instead of pan-pod) are distributed to seal the proposal.

In modern times dowry has lost it’s former importance, though it is still demanded in villages. However, the boys father or an elder relative would usually specify that they don’t want any dowry but that anything the girl’s parents wish to gift their daughter would be welcome and this is called denem (instead of dot). In this case, the girl and her family would buy her jewellery and sarees and the boy pays for the mangalsutra  (moni) and the sado and is also free to give more sarees or jewellery if he so wishes. This denem is then to be delivered to the groom’s house prior to the wedding day. (More on that will be covered later in the section “Wedding garments and Jewellery”). Other wedding plans are discussed and more often the wedding expenses are shared by the boy and the girl and their families. A wedding date would also be discussed, etc. and in todays time, any day of the week or even leap year is not considered inauspicious.

This custom of finalizing the sairik is for those who wish to follow some traditions otherwise like in love-marriages mutual consent becomes more important rather than parents decisions and the parents are just kept informed of the preparations and would generally just go along with the arrangements.  Yet, it would certainly be a beautiful gesture for the boy to seek the blessings of the girls parents.  His family may also formally ask for the girls hand in marriage.

My second son had a love-marriage and we did go to the gir’s house to finalise the alliance as stated above as we felt it is important to give the bride and her parents due respect and importance.

*1.Gurkar system: As only a few priests had accompaned the Christian emigrants to Canara, it was impossible for these priests to look after them properly and they therefore made use of the gurkar system and appointed men of good moral character as headmen in the Christian settlements.  The gurkars also known as Social leaders was appointed for each village and in the Christian villages they had also to replace the absent priest and therefore acquired more influence and importance.

** 2.Hindu wedding ceremonies adapted by the Christians : Christianity was established in Canara in the 16th Century when the Portuguese made themselves masters of Mangalore and other coastal ports when Canara was placed under the ecclesiastic jurisdiction of the bishop of Goa in 1534. Immigration of newly converted Christians from Goa also started on a vast scale and coincided with the introduction of the Inquisition in Goa in 1560. The rules of the Inquisition forbade the observance of any traditional Hindu customs after conversion and those who refused to comply were forced to leave Goa and settle outside the Portuguese dominion.  Some went to the Deccan, others to Canara.  The second emigration from Goa was in 1683 when Goa was invaded by Mahratta chief Sambhaji and many Brahmins fled from the Bardes District in Goa and settled in Canara. These Chistians who fled continued to practise their christian faith after they left Goa which proves that they only wanted to observe their ancient social customs which had nothing to do with religion.

Previous Post:  Match making – Sairik                               Next Post: Engagement – “Mudi”

References: Severine Silva and Stephen Fuchs & Victor D’sa, S.V.D.: The Marriage Customs of the Christians in South Canara, India

STEP 1

1.MATCH-MAKING – SAIRIK

Then:

Marriages were predominantly arranged by the parents with the assistance of a match-maker (sairikecho malo) man or (sairikechi mali) woman, who were the important link between the parents and the prospective bride and groom and these match-makers were also considered professional and very influential persons. Once the marriage was finalized the match-maker was handsomely rewarded with money, sarees and expensive gifts.

Now:

Although arranged marriages are still prevalent, parents and potential brides and grooms resort to advertisements, marriage bureaus, matrimonial websites, if they have not already found a match for themselves as in “love-marriage” where mutual consent is of primary importance and parent’s consent becomes secondary. I personally know of many a successful marriage through websites like Shaadi.com. Several matrimonial websites exist like bharatmatrimony.com etc. For a more focused search on Mangalorean partners, Daijiworld.com offers paid advertisements. You can also advertise on Mangalorean.com. Catholics in general can also place advertisements at a nominal cost of Rs.100/- in the print edition of the ‘Examiner’ (a catholic newsweekly) by the Archdiocese of Mumbai.

Parents also discuss their aspirations with close relatives and friends to find suitable match for their children. Even in today’s fast-paced lifestyle where young boys and girls have far more opportunities to socialize, yet it does become a challenge to find the right match when marriage is being considered and although many would shun arranged marriages they do exist in modern society. Today’s match-maker can even be from one’s own peer group and not necessarily an elderly professional match-maker. Match-makers are rewarded even today but more often a saree would suffice. For those using matrimonial websites, would be worthwhile considering a premium subscription which would give better results in finding suitable matches.

Restrictions in Match-Making

Then:

Age of the girl had to be between 15-18 and the boy some years older. Boy had to be taller than the girl. Inter-caste marriages were not allowed and generally the marriage partners had no say in the matter. When I say Inter-caste here I am not referring to  Christians and non-christians but between the caste “Kuli” system retained by the Christians at the time which was the same as they had in Goa prior to their migration to Mangalore (Canara). The four castes were, in order of hierarchy – Brahmins (Bamons), Charodis, Shudras and Gaudis. So a Bamon boy was obliged to marry a Bamon girl and a Charodi boy had to marry a Charodi girl and so on.  However, later on it was acceptable for a boy of a higher caste marrying a lower caste girl but a lower caste boy was not accepted by a higher caste girl. Marriage between cousins was prohibited and so was marriage between members of the same parish which implies that marriage between members of the same village was also not allowed as these members who were attached to one parish felt like close relatives. Also a boy could not marry before his sisters and a younger sibling could not marry before the elder.

Several proverbs illustrate facts on choosing the bride and groom:

1. Chedun adijai pioshilem, Ani jot adijai lagshilem

Meaning …

“A girl should be brought from a distant place; But a pair of bullocks should be bought in

the neighbourhood”.

2. Avoik polovn dhuvek vhor, Dud polovn moshik vhor

Meaning…

“Take the girl after looking at her mother; And take the she-buffalo after looking at the milk”

3. Dubleanchem chedum adizai, Grestak chedum dizai

Meaning….

A girl should be chosen from a poor family and should marry into a rich family

Now:

In the literal sense these proverbs would be outdated but figuratively do seem true even today. Most of the above arranged marriage practices have now been given up. Girls and Boys now choose to marry in their late 20’s and early 30’s. Education, professional career development and compatibility of the partners is given more importance and parents generally are more liberal today allowing children the freedom to decide their personal choices. ‘Live-in’ partnerships before stepping into a more permanent relationship of marriage are gradually growing and being accepted by society, the reasoning being that the couple should “KNOW” each other before marriage.

Personally, though I wouldn’t grudge a live-in relationship, I do not agree to the reasoning, as no amount of “knowing” your partner would guarantee a successful marriage. Each marriage or partnership requires a tremendous amount of effort, compromise, adjustment, understanding, commitment, acceptance, faith, trust and respect from both partners. Even if you have known your partner for a day, a year or ten years, eventually compatibility issues would creep in and the bottom line would be how much one is willing to compromise and sacrifice in the interest of their family. In today’s day we feel sorry to see so many marriages breaking-down over trivial issues which can easily be resolved with a little bit of patience and understanding. From my experience I have seen that eventually the difficult phase is overcome, patience and humility being the key.

Previous Post  : Marriage customs and traditions

Next Post: Finalising the Alliance

References: Severine Silva and Stephen Fuchs & Victor D’sa, S.V.D.: The Marriage Customs of the Christians in South Canara, India

Traditional foods

Kulith – Horse gram

Kulith (Horse Gram)

Kulith (Horse Gram) sprouted

Kulith, horse gram, kulthi or madras gram is a poor man’s super food widely cultivated and consumed in mainly rural India and although it is a powerhouse of nutrients, the bean has sadly been ignored and overlooked in today’s modern day.

This post hopes to give this humble legume its due and to encourage you to cook and consume this nutrient dense bean called Kulith or horse gram.

Horse gram is light to digest, increases pitta and Rakta (blood) according to Ayurveda. The beans contain plenty of calcium, phosphorous, iron and has the highest protein value and is a high-powered legume which is why it is also used as a common feed for horses and so the name ‘Horse Gram’.

Soaking the horse gram overnight or sprouting it gives it a higher nutritive value and makes it more digestible. The soaked or sprouted bean also takes less time to cook.

Continue reading →

February 2017

Our Valentine’s family lunch this year was at “Hotel Calcutta”; the name clearly a misnomer for me as, in my mind it conjured up images of traditional Bengali cuisine known for its subtle flavors like the jhals, jhols, kormas, Posto, and desserts like Mishti Doi and Roshgollas and we were already discussing that we would skip the ‘Macher Jhol’, etc.  But the menu, though very limited, is predominantely influenced by the distinct Awadhi legacy of the Nawab era of the 1700’s which is derived from Mughlai cuisine. Typical Mumbai street fare like Pau Bhaji, Sev Puri, Bhel Puri, etc. has also made it to the menu and can be enjoyed in a 5-Star setting, not sure if these are also part of Calcutta street fare as I have not visited Calcutta. Continue reading →

Published, 11th May, 2016

Fresh Thyme

Dried Thyme

Thyme is a wonderful ingredient that’s used in cuisines around the world, particularly in France, Italy, across the Mediterranean and in the Middle East.

Za’atar is the Arabic word for Thyme  but Zaatar is also a prepared condiment generally made with ground dried thyme, oregano, marjoram, or some combination thereof, mixed with toasted sesame seeds, and salt, though other spices such as sumac might also be added.

Thyme is a delicate looking herb with a strong penetrating fragrance and is a wonderful addition to bean, egg and vegetable dishes. Both fresh and dried thyme is available throughout the year.

Thyme has a long history of use in natural medicine in connection with chest and respiratory problems including coughs, bronchitis, and chest congestion and the health benefits of thyme are proven and  very real.

The volatile oil components of thyme have also been shown to have antimicrobial activity against a host of different bacteria and fungi and are packed with anti-septic, anti-viral, anti-rheumatic, anti-parasitic and anti-fungal properties, which explains why thyme-based formulas are used as an expectorant, diuretic, fungicide and antibiotic.

Thyme is also a powerful detoxifying agent, making it one of many liver detox foods. What’s more, the herb is a great immune system booster that encourages white blood cell formation while increasing resistance to foreign organisms.

Thyme as medicine

At the onset of a flu it is greatly advised to have Zaatar tea and I can swear by this decoction which not only helps flu and cold symptoms but also stomach and digestive tract ailments. Thyme herb tea is a popular health drink.

To Prepare the tea take 2 cups water and bring it to a boil then add 1 tsp. of dried sage, 3/4 tsp. dried thyme, 1/2 tsp marjoram and a 1/4 tsp. of rosemary.  Stir and switch off flame and keep covered to infuse for 10 minutes.  Strain and sip hot.

These four herbs are a must in my pantry and serve as a natural home remedy for a variety of ailments from stomach upsets to the common cold and influenza.

Thyme is effective against infections, most specifically respiratory and digestive. It can be taken for diarrhea, infections of the vagina including thrush and infections in the fallopian tubes. It has a relaxing effect on muscles in the bronchi and helps to relieve asthma, whooping cough, laryngitis, bronchitis and dry coughs. Mouth and gum infections can be treated with a solution made from as little as .1 percent thyme oil. Inhalation therapy is useful for those who suffer from chronic sinus infections. As an antioxidant, thyme protects the body from the effects of aging. As a stellar digestive herb, thyme can enhance appetite and digestion while stimulating the liver.

Thyme as food

For thousands of years, herbs and spices have been used to help preserve foods and protect them from microbial contamination, now research shows that both thyme and basil contain constituents that can both prevent contamination and decontaminate previously contaminated foods. Prior to the invention of the refrigerator, thyme was even used to help keep meats from spoiling.

It makes good sense to include thyme and basil in more of your recipes, particularly for foods that are not cooked such as salads. Adding fresh thyme and/or basil to your next vinaigrette will not only enhance the flavor of your fresh greens, but will help ensure that the fresh produce you consume is safe to eat.

The ideal way to introduce Zaatar in our regular diet is to have it on bread. Having spent the last more than 30 years in the Middle East, we have grown up eating Fatayers (arabic pies with various fillings) and man’eesh bi zaatar (zaatar pastries). But an instant zaatar pastry can be made at home.  All you need is readymade zaatar, olive oil and arabic/pita bread. Zaatar goes well with white cheese or Labneh for breakfast and can be prepared as follows for a nutritious & healthy breakfast, meal, appetizer or starter.

Ingredients: 1 cup zaatar, Olive oil as required, various types of bread, Labneh if required.

Take the zaatar in a bowl and gradually add the olive oil and mix to a paste like consistency.  Apply on arabic/pita bread or any bread of your choice and toast in a preheated oven, pan or electric sandwich toaster till it heats through and the underside of the bread is slightly crisp.  If using labneh, apply to bread, sprinkle over with dry zaatar or apply the zaatar paste, cover with another slice of bread and toast in a sandwich toaster.

Serve with Tabbouleh for breakfast or as a starter or appetiser.

Fresh Thyme Salad  (Salatat Zaatar) Fresh Thyme Salad

Fresh Thyme Salad

Ingredients

• 1 bunch fresh wild thyme
• 1 medium onion, finely chopped
• ½ bunch green onions (optional)
• 1 lemon, juice
• 1 tbsp. olive oil
• ¼ tsp. salt or to taste

1. Clean the thyme and pick the leaves and tender stalks and discard the stems.
2. Wash and drain well.
3. Mix with the finely chopped onion, lemon juice, olive oil a d salt.
4. Serve with a main course or with just some warm pita bread.
5. Rocket leaves, mint and parsley may be added if desired.

1. Fresh Thyme Salad

Thyme is a nutrient-dense spice and is an excellent source of vitamin C, a very good source of vitamin A, iron, manganese, copper and dietary fibre. Whenever possible, choose fresh thyme over dried as it is superior in flavor.  The leaves must look fresh and be a vibrant green-grey in colour and free of dark spots and yellowing.

Fresh thyme should be stored in the refrigerator wrapped in a slightly damp paper towel. Dried thyme should be kept in a tightly sealed glass container in a cool, dark and dry place where it will keep fresh for about six months.

Thyme, either in its fresh or dried form, should be added toward the end of the cooking process since heat can easily cause a loss of its delicate flavor.

A Few Quick Serving Ideas

• Add thyme to your favorite pasta sauce recipe.
• Fresh thyme adds a wonderful fragrance to omelets and scrambled eggs.
• Hearty beans such as kidney beans, pinto beans and black beans taste exceptionally good when seasoned with thyme.
• When poaching fish, place some sprigs of thyme on top of the fish and in the poaching liquid.
• Season soups and stocks by adding fresh thyme.

Ref: whfoods.org

Read more: http://naturalsociety.com